I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have already put on my inside pants.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
