Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
