Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
