I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
