I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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