i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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