Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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