Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
