how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
