I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
