I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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