if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
