I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
