i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
