You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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