dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
