I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
