Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
