By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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