Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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