tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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