I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
