with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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