i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
