I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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