guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
