Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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