i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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