what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
