Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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