Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
