I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
