Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just got carded by a ten year old.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
