Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
