I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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