I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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