Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
