i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
