You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
