Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i barfeds in our rink
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
