false alarm. still invincible.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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