yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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