my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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