That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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