like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
