When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
