90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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