I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
