FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I smell like Dick and happiness
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