I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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