Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have demons in me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
