roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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